The Hard Way

We've got two lives

One we're given and the other one we make

And the world won't stop & actions speak louder

Listen to your heart and your heart might say

Everything we got we got the hard way...

--Mary Chapin Carpenter

 

Staring at my computer, in an office in downtown DC today I had an "A-ha" moment.  Its one I have had before, but then I conveniently forget.  Its so easy to forget it.

Life is hard.

Once upon a time, when I was just a youngster I truly believed it when my father said "The difference between a hard life and an easy one is all about choices."  I interpreted this to mean that if only I made the right choice I would be rewarded with a life of bliss, ease and good times.  I interpreted the struggle I faced as a young person in the world as a result of bad life choices.

And there was some truth to that.  I made a lot of bad choices over my years.  But I have also made some good ones too.  But many times over I have been amazed to learn that good choices or bad, life has been no less hard.  Good choices led me down some pretty difficult paths but ultimately took me in a direction I wanted to go.  Bad choices sometimes were exhilerating but took me away from my true north.  Both of those paths were filled with hard work and difficulty.

Sometimes, I get very grouchy when I am stuck in a hard-work kind of place.  I want it all to  be so SIMPLE so very clear cut and easy.  I want to breeze through life the way I breezed through elementary school, without a care in the world and three steps ahead, and someone to solve it all for me when it got to sticky.  I just want to do the one thing that will make it all fall into place.  I revert to my childish notions that good choices lead to easy-peasy paths to joy all around.  And then, when I realize that there is nothing that you can do to assure an easy journey I get mopey and disappointed,

Lately, I have made lots of good choices and I have to say the path I have taken has been laced with much joy.  There are these moments I have, when life seems perfect.  I am surrounded by a community I love, my job is exciting and we are healthy and well and then--BAM it hits me.  My amazing and beautiful loved ones are human, imperfect people, just like me, and we sometimes struggle to see eye-to-eye.  Or I make a mistake that needs to be fixed and fixing it takes everything I have got and more.  Or sometimes life just throws a curve ball.  And it takes hard work to set it all right.  Or doing something fun turns into a ton of really tedious work and I want to give up.

Its hard to be a single mom and do it all alone.  But I know its also really really hard to make a healthy relationship work and to keep it fresh, open and moving in the right direction.  Doing a job I hate can be really hard.  But as I am learning, sometimes, doing a job I love can be miserably hard too. 

And sometimes when I realize all this I feel cheated.  I am pissed off that there is no way around the difficult.  But then, sometimes with a bit of grace,I have one of these aha moments. 

LIFE IS HARD.  Trying to avoid (or believing I can avoid) the difficult is what leads me to disappointment and sorrow.  Picking up and slogging through the hard work with optimism, eyes on the lovely scenery and a sense of humor can make it all so much more pleasant--and joyful-- and fun.

Dad was right in some way.  Life IS all about choices.  Following your true north, making choices that ring true in your heart can lead to joy.  But I have found I can also choose to rob myself of joy by mucking around disappointed and grouchy that I have to work through some hard stuff. 

 So, whats a girl who just had an aha moment to do?  Crank up Mary Chapin Carpenter, slip on some boots, and dance dance dance...

Caught up in our little lives, there's not a lot left over
I see what's missing in your eyes; you're searching for that field of clover
So show a little inspiration, show a little spark
Show the world a little light when you show it your heart
We've got two lives, one we're given and the other one we make
And the world won't stop, & actions speak louder
Listen to your heart, and your heart might say
Everything we got, we got the hard way...